The author begins In the Company of Family: How to Thrive When Business Is Personal with a quote, “by the time many families search for help, the conflict is chronic and the pain is deep. The wounds need more than a covering. The family needs to repair damage done and prevent re-injury.” What is great about this book is the self-assessment tools woven in at the end of each chapter combined with the self and family assessment at the end of the book. These are practical tools you could use with your own family members.
This book will help next gen members to find practical solutions to conflict within the family and within the business. Her primary solution is learning how to set boundaries which she defines as: roles, rights and responsibilities. Family business by definition can be muddy as she points out that we have different roles within our family and in the business.
She invites the reader to consider:
- Do you have difficulty saying no? Are you a natural people-pleaser who will say yes when really you mean no
- Do you have difficulty saying yes? If someone gives you a compliment or tries to help, do you avoid receiving the “good”?
Most of us try to avoid conflict because we are not skilled and are likely fearful of consequences that may arise from telling the truth of our reality. One of the chapters is very detailed about how to manage real guilt versus false guilt. Real guilt is when we have done something wrong or failed to do the right thing. An apology is the obvious answer. False guilt is when we feel we haven’t done anything wrong yet oddly enough we can still feel guilt.
So what to do? Her golden rule is being fair, firm and friendly in all interactions with family and business members. She provides many case studies on how this plays out in real life and points out that people mistake fair to mean everyone is treated equally. Firm is interpreted often as harsh and mean. You can still disagree with someone and be friendly. They are not mutually-exclusive. An example at the end of this chapter:
- Which of fair, firm and friendly do you find most challenging for yourself?
- What triggers make it difficult for you to do all three?
Her final chapters speak about the need for governance. Although that word can conjure up negative feelings, it really is essential for family business where boundaries are often fuzzy. All governance means here is having established roles, responsibilities and developing a common understanding for how we will communicate and in what space.
Governance in family business means deciding when and how you will decide in advance of the need to do so. How will we make decisions about the family and the business? What are the guidelines, processes and principles we will use. When it comes to promotion of family members, will we be guided by logic: ensuring people have the right skills to take on roles or will there be some other guiding principle?
For people experiencing conflict and pain in their family business, this book is a great place to explore how to address this in a constructive manner. As most family business books suggest, the author recommends using a skilled advisor and facilitator to help navigate the process. It is very hard to do it alone from inside.
Melissa is a true believer in boundaries and through her family advising work has noticed how so many family members proclaim they never really thought or knew about setting boundaries. If you are unsure in your own circumstances, this book is a recommended read to get up to speed on how powerful it is to claim your own power by insisting on clear boundaries.
Barb is a family business advisor and owner of 22c Partners Inc. who lives in beautiful Victoria, BC, Canada. A professionally published author, Barb has done extensive consulting with corporate clients but also has worked with the actress Goldie Hawn and her board as well as working for the Royal Family of a European country who has holdings in Canada. This was a beautiful experience and one that stayed with me for years. She is a certified board Director and helps family business understand how corporate governance can be a game-changer to instill professional disciplines and ensure that the family business operates with the best of practices. She also has an MA in Human Resources.
