When you throw a book out the window you are literally a literary litterer.
How does the leprechaun know which end of the rainbow to put the pot of gold at?
Why do they call it Star WarS when it's really just the Empire and the rebels that are fighting?
What do you get when you mix whole milk with half and half?
You can't really have half a snack. However much you have, that's your whole snack.
What happened to all the B batteries?
Why do an alarm going on and an alarm going off mean the same thing?
Why do cashing in and cashing out mean the same thing?
If you are responsible for a person and their property you are both a caregiver and a caretaker.
If you are under the age of 40, Bart Simpson is older than you.
When butterflies get nervous, do they feel people in their stomach?
No one has read any of these shower thoughts in the shower.
When people talk about the old days, they're really talking about their young days.
Why do we put paper in a folder to stop it from folding?
Do cats from other countries meow with accents?
How come there's no "reverse" setting on microwaves to cool things down?
If we could see through a telescope to a planet exactly like ours 65 million light years away, we could watch live dinosaurs.
A mile a minute sounds a lot faster than 60 miles an hour.
How did people remember the alphabet before the song?
A hamburger with a tomato on it is still a hamburger. A hamburger with an onion on it is still a hamburger. But put one piece of cheese on top...
A ton of people is really just a dozen people.
The objective of golf is to play as little golf as possible.
We all know the saying, but have you ever seen anyone carrying their eggs in two separate baskets?
Every mirror you ever buy is already used.
Why do we say a computer freezes when it overheats?
Since our jaws are on the bottom, when you tell someone to bite down on something, you're really asking them to bite up.
It's kind of ironic that "blinding" has two "i"s.
If there are no atheists in foxholes, what religion do foxes practice?
Why are there no mothers in fairy tales?
If you're an air conditioner repairman, your workplace is never air conditioned.
If you're Number One, you'll always be considered odd.
You can't get a hug without also giving a hug.
People say life is short but it is literally the longest thing you will ever experience.
I know what eggs are, but what are nogs, exactly?
People say that things are on fire, but really, fire is on things.
Using a bayonet is literally bringing a knife to a gun fight.
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Aren't cupholders just cups for cups?
When people say they forgot something, what they usually really mean is they remembered something.
Is Santa Claus a giant elf?